Times I Didn’t

Times I didn’t

Getting change out of your wallet, not hoovering, copied speech patterns and online clothes shopping.

I  l e f t  a  w o m a n   w a i t i n g  – Never getting the whole story. Its hard not to wonder, once brandished a compulsive liar – I  m e t   h e r   s o m e t i m e  l a t e r- Small details stick out, like the tongue and the Dr Pepper and you knowing her pin code. Naked selfies.  S h e  s a i d,  I  s e e   y o u r   e y e s   a r e   d e a d – I was phoned from a train platform; a call throughout which her whole packet of cigarettes was smoked.

W h a t   h a p p e n e d   t o   y o u, ( m y   l o v e r ?)

W h a t   h a p p e n e d   t o  y o u, ( l o v e r ?)

W h a t   h a p p e n e d   t o   y o u?  Our rampant nasturtium – flowers on everything we ate all summer. Cornflowers, non-edible. Borage, Edible but not eaten; antidepressant. Marimekko cups at twenty quid a pop. Scout-green enamel camping plates and loading the dishwasher as A Gesture.

The kind of lonely emptiness you feel instantly after receiving bad news – signalled in a film by a cup or phone dropping to, and smashing on the floor – Signalled in music videos by a cheaters keys getting thrown in a swimming pool or fire,  J-Lo’s butterfly keyring at LL-Cool J – signalled in writing through close description appealing to the senses;    

                                                           hearing/fingertips.

Pub ceiling coloured upholstery on the Knoll studio chair, really soft, really comfortable and in rotation with a straddle of the electric heater. A photo of Warhol pinned next to fabric samples.

Warhol’s regimented studio hours; 10am – 10pm. 

On repeat listening, until your magic wains

A n d   s i n c e   s h e   s p o k e   t h e   t r u t h   t o   m e

I   t r i e d   t o   a n s w e r   t r u t h f u l l y

W h a t e v e r   h a p p e n e d   t o   m y   e y e s

H a p p e n e d   t o   y o u r   b e a u t y

H a p p e n e d   t o   y o u r   b e a u t y

W h a t   h a p p e n e d   t o   y o u r   b e a u t y

H a p p e n e d   t o   m e

 

I thought smoking was banned on train platforms

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Times I Didn’t

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